I started this blog after several months of living what I kept referring to as my own “Shiva Moments.” I say with gratitude that I have lived my share of challenges in my lifetime. While in the past, I’ve not always been wise enough to realize that, in the end, the best thing that could have happened to me was to experience the pain or torture I lived through, I’ve learned by now that there always seems to be a gem buried deep beneath the sorrow...if you look for it. I’d like to think I’m wise enough, by now, to finally have reached a point in my own personal evolvement to understand that A) This too will pass and, B) It’s all for a good reason.
The truth is, I can’t say for certain whether or not what I am living through right now is really as bad as my mind has decided it is. Sure, I don’t exactly love everything that is happening in my life right now, but (bigger picture-wise) how can I really (really, really, really) know for sure that it isn’t for the best? I actually have more evidence from past experience to support the assumption that what I am living through right now is for good reason. Regardless of whether or not I like it.
I think the biggest disappointment in life comes from the fact that we expect not to suffer. We wake up everyday hoping that we’ll make it through unscathed. We skulk and slink around the edges of life hoping not to get targeted by pain and torture. And, yes, some of us have done a pretty good job at playing safe and avoiding any hurt in life. We feel triumphant because of it. Like we have outsmarted God. Yet, if you look deep into those pain-avoider’s empty eyes, you’ll see that the compromise for getting out of pain is missing out on living.
We all get our fair share of pain and suffering but, don’t misunderstand me, I’m not expecting anyone to wake up expecting that life be dismal because suffering is inevitable. However, I do think suffering would be decreased greatly if we just knew that we all are equipped to handle whatever happens today, and that we don’t necessarily have to like it, enjoy it or want to live with it forever. While it is here, we will accept it. Leaning into hard times may not be fun, but it is temporary. Running from feeling and experiencing pain gives you temporary relief, but with pain and suffering that lasts forever.
Most importantly, do not blame yourself when your life is filled with some sort of tragedy. In the past, when life hasn’t gone my way I have blamed myself. I believed (and sometimes still do) that life sucks because I am doing something wrong. That if I chose different, did better, selected a different route, said something else or had a different personality, I wouldn’t be stuck with this problem. While some personal responsibility is always important to maintain, blaming ourselves for things beyond our control is an unnecessary burden that just prolongs suffering.
When we can learn to co-exist with feelings, experiences and difficult situations, give ourselves the permission to feel the pain, hurt, grief, and sadness, and know that this will not last forever, knowing that all we need to do is our best. This is when we truly learn to live.
With love,
The Dancing Shiva
Pain and pleasure are really two different sides of the same coin. If we can simply accept this as part of the human experience, then I think we would all be better off. We won't be so busy chasing the quixotic dream that we should be living lives of only pleasure.
ReplyDeleteOne day, I was telling my favorite yoga teacher about my 18-year chronic knee injury and how I've come to accept it as part of who I am and yes, even love it. I told her that my knee pain has taught me incredible self-awareness and respect for my body. I will never forget what she told me in return. She said, "That's great! Because when you are fully aware of pain, you are also fully aware of joy and pleasure. Do you know how many people don't feel either? They feel nothing."
Allowing ourselves to feel is what it means to live.
People are so afraid of their feelings! We're taught not to feel them, or that something is wrong if we do! I often think about how few drug addicts, alcoholics, etc. there would be in the world if we could experience our pain and move on!!
ReplyDeleteI remember reading in the book Conversations With God about this concept and that we would not know pleasure without pain. We need contrast in life!